That everything is actually okay – that your life is practically charmed; You’re not sick, are surrounded by people who you love, and who love you. You have work that is built on words, a career you conjured from air, feathers and wood smoke, a schedule you made yourself, a dog in the yard – buried yes – but a true and loving companion for years.
Sometimes you go to exotic places to share your work with others, and every day you sit in circles of women, knee to knee finding new words for sadness, for joy, for grief and love. Your students are generous. Human beings who crack themselves open right in front of you, which you find startling even after 25 years. So much of the time you forget how precious this life is, and you rush around thinking that you have to do even more to be noticed and loved. And then these people you work with unzip themselves and step out of their human casings to show you what they’re made of – same stuff as you – all of us just longing for connection, so many of us believing that we should be more. They think you’re the teacher, but it’s always the other way around.
You’re lucky. You have children who are just enough hoodlum to make them interesting, but responsible enough to get to work on time. They’re healthy, they know how to love other people, and even when you broke up their family of four, they kept coming home and loving you both. You’ve got, not just a roof over your head, but a jewel box – yes – you live in a jewel box at the end of a lane, and which is protected by trees. When people walk through the gate they are changed, and it has nothing to do with you. It’s true you have that raccoon problem, a large, furry fellow who comes in through the cat door when you’re sleeping, and who you’ve run into twice in the hallway as you headed to the bathroom, but you’re working on that.
Your mother is still alive, and since she had that knee surgery she’s home a lot more and picks up the phone when you ring. She loves you unconditionally and she might be the last person on earth to do this. Your father, a sweet narcissist, gone 9 years now, loved as he was able. That he stooped down to pick up trash and put it in his pocket in every country he visited was one of his most endearing qualities.
The stuff you talk about in therapy is standard fare. It’s true you sometimes still dance for love, that you’re not certain of your goodness or your beauty. You catch yourself dangling glittery things to get attention; the house in Hawaii, the great, great uncle who owned a brewery in Salt Lake City and whose most popular beer was called Beauty. Your therapist keeps saying, “swim in your own lane,” which you think means that you should anchor yourself, pay more attention to what’s moving through you when you’re with others – especially men – and be less focused on who you think they want you to be. You’re getting there, one stroke at a time.
Your face is changing. Your eyes show your age and one breast has grown larger than the other – your mother told you so last time you saw her. You can work that tummy all you want, but its soft, and in a way, so are you – softer as you age, all over. It turns out that surrender is not a sign of giving up, but of making real peace. It’s not easy, but it’s happening.
You don’t have a sweetheart, but you’re friends with every man you’ve ever loved, and sometimes you think you make a better friend than a lover. Your ex-husband is one of the kindest people you know, a man who brought blankets to keep you warm on dates and who regularly pulled socks off your feet to massage them. That you let the words, “I don’t think I want to be married anymore,” fall from your lips on a car ride five years ago, makes you wince. Were you being greedy, too idealistic, hoping for more than you already had? What’s the fine line between accepting things as they are, and imagining what else is possible?
You’ve been sleeping alone for a while now, and you wonder if you’ll ever share this bed again, though the cat – the one who doesn’t like to be touched or held – started sleeping with you months ago – something that shocks your family and has encouraged a new found respect for you. You have no idea why the cat is suddenly your friend, but you’ll take it. He’s a quiet companion, and isn’t that what you’ve been looking for in a partner, someone you can be peaceful with?
And here’s the thing, you woke up happy this morning for no good reason except that you’d given yourself some time to wander into the morning without rush. Two cups of coffee, music, incense, and you opened the front door for the wind and the light. That’s pretty much all you need. Standing at the kitchen window looking out, you thought, “I’m happy.” It was simple. It wasn’t about what you had or didn’t have. It never has been.
Friends, would you like to sink your teeth into the most simple and delicious writing practice on the planet? I have gotten so many love letters from people telling me how much they appreciate my 27 Wild Days video class – 27 short videos delivered daily to your inbox helping you to get ink on the page in 15 short minutes a day. One of the best things I’ve ever made.
What a magical life. xoxo
Cats are the best. Especially, the super picky ones. And when you somehow earn their affection – it’s golden. Like, “Yesssssss!” (with a fist pump). 😀
So beautiful. The life, the person, the thoughts articulated. Thank you!
Here’s the thing, Laurie, I love what you say, see myself in your words, and I’m grateful for them.
Thanks for sharing.
I am certain of your beauty–such power and warmth here!
Laurie, Thank you for the gratitude injection. Contentment is possible. How radical is that? Laura
Beautiful, Laurie. Straight from the heart and a treasure to have you share these words and insights with all of us. Thank you.
Mmmmm. Mmmm mmm. Juicy and real. Love you lady!
Thank you for being in my life. Your words continue to move me and dare me to be more of who I am.
Thank you for sharing with us. “Kitchen sink sublime” is what this makes me think. The mundane and the profound dependent on each other.
Amazing. So many images stick with me – dangling glittery things, swimming in your own lane, little bit of hoodlum, socks off for a massage, the cat, respect, the day in the car, happy. Thank you- again and again,
Beautiful Laurie ❤️
Love you ❤️
This. You. Love. Always and forever. Love.
Gorgeous. Your words help me connect to, and fall more deeply in love with my life. Thank you for sharing yourself so generously. 💓
The sweet sadness of contentment. The raw, hearty acceptance of what you’ve lived through is a good reminder to love the journey. Thank you for being real.
Bravo to the jewel-box-life appreciation team…you, yourself and shadow, reporting the latest truth-news…Inspiring!
Thank you Laurie, for your insight and invitation. How can I not unzip myself and step out of my human casing, if not just for a moment to meet you-the full, beautiful, real you. I hear a deep self-love, compassion and contentment that is beyond ego gratification and circumstance. Thank you for getting naked first! Oh, and nice pic.
Beauty-filled reflection. Jewel-box life. Acceptance and yearning. All in this together — You in your lane. Me on my mat. Love.
Laurie, I’ve been reading your blog since I did the online Forty Days and Forty Nights with you several years ago, and I think this is my favorite entry so far—you going from frantic to peaceful (at least a glimpse of it). So many gems of realization about those you love, including the cat, and especially about yourself.
Just what I needed to read today. What a gift you have. As I trudge through the dreaded “Notes on Sources” section for my latest book–due to the publisher today and only 50% finished–I will pause and breathe and be reminded that “everything is actually ok.”
Delicious truth- so real I can feel both sun and wind from your door. Miss you. Thank you for your practice. It inspires due to its tenacious clutch on the nitty gritty of everyday life. It never fails to transport by conveying the whole of our lives— the collective grip of our humanity.
Just amazing. Thank you for this. It will stay with me. Beautiful.
OMG, I SO love this…so grateful to be one of the lucky ones to have walked through that gate…<3
I am going to print this one and paste it on the wall right next to my computer screen so that every day I can read this lovely poetic insight that you have so generously shared. Following your blog these past few years working with you in Santa Barbara & in Wild Writing has given me so many precious golden nuggets of love and truth. Blessings to you dear Laurie – with gratitude, Namaste’
Brilliant and beautiful. Just like you. xo
As simple as, “coffee, incense, music, wind, and light”. A perspective of Life lived with authenticity and truth. Looking for peace in all the RIGHT places. Thank you, Laurie, for these inspirational wise words of wisdom. Love you.
such a great writer you are!! did you put that in there?
“ It turns out that surrender is not a sign of giving up, but of making real peace. “
So much yes to this.
In therapy today I said, who needs a cat to rub when I’ve got my own soft belly. Suddenly it is clear that making peace with myself must include making peace with this 49 year old body.
This was SO beautiful! And just what I needed to read today. I miss you and our Wild Writing online group.
Mmmmmmmm…nods head with compassionate agreement …
Holy yes. Amen. And thank you.
Holy yes. Amen. Thank you!
I love you so much. And I miss you. Come visit and let’s visit the graves and old homes of your SLC ancestors and even if we don’t drink beer, let’s make Beauty. Our porch needs you. xoxoxox
Beautiful beautiful beautiful Laurie. Your voice, as ever, so clear and true. I’ve been missing it, yet here it is. Right here. xox
I loved your raw, honesty.
Your descriptions were impeccable, at times I felt like you were talking about me. Thank you for sharing this beautiful piece. I’m glad I sat down for a spell.
marla – thank you for reading – so appreciate that. xxx
I love and adore you and the words hit so deep within me..mmm..mmm oxoxo
Things to know about Dr. Wakina!
1) Dr. Wakina is an uncelebrated hero that can restore peace to a broken heart through his well refined and harmless love spell, his spell can bring back a lost lover or rebuild a broken marriage within days.
2) He trained himself spiritually to respect and protect the values of victimized people by helping them face/defeat their obstacles in his best capacity.
3) Doc is generous in spirit; he gives back his spiritual talent to the public as much as possible as a selfless man he is.
4) His main purpose is to save hearts and rebuild a relationship/marriage.
My name is Lindsay Cullen; my marriage was among the many that was rebuilt by this wonder working king of spell through: dr. wakinalovetemple @ gmail. com
I decided to share to share this after studying and learning from him during the whole love spell process. He is indeed a man to trust.
It took me a whole lot longer to finally arrive at the simple fact of practicing gratitude for everything in my life, and to be satisfied with what I have. Such freedom!
You , being so very much younger than I, got a head start. Clever you!
Oceans of love,
How to get your ex lover back & save your marriage fast “I suggest you contact: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com is certainly the best spell caster online and his result is 100% guarantee.
Effective love spell to get lost lover back/stop divorce/save broken marriage firstname.lastname@example.org is the best on urgent love spell casting with 100% result guarantee
Effective love spell to get lost lover back/stop divorce/save broken marriage”contact: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com is certainly the best spell caster online and his result is 100% guarantee.